Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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