What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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