wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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