READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
