Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
