another moral hangover. fuck.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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