I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
