i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
