I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
send nudes
from the living room?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
