But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
