i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
