an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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