There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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