He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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