Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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