I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize