i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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