just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize