i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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