If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
