Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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