I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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