I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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