Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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