i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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