so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
