I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
