if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
