I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
