Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize