Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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