you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
