so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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