I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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