I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
