C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
