i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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