i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
