just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this beer tastes like vomit already
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
