walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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