I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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