I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
