We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize