Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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