Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
