Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
