Pappa wants mamma naked
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
