My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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