idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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