i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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