one two three fourrrrnication!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize