Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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