People with herpes should wear stickers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
