I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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