How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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